Hello, my name is Lilu, and in the past 5 months I lost a little over 20 kg due to stress.
*chanted monotone chorus* “Hi, Lilu.”
I can’t say I’ve always loved the weight I was at, but I can happily say that I loved my body no matter what shape or weight it was at. Sure, I was striving to be more fit, more active, toned. Not skinny, but in shape.
Recently I went through a traumatic year, one in which I had put myself in situations I can’t even imagine how I was able to accept them, much less think it was okay, or continue to live like that. However, thats another story for another post.
I used to be a bit thicker. Not fat, but definitely softer – rounded out. Now I’m all sharp edges. Skin and bones compared to what I used to be. My round hips turned to poking bones. That comfortable shoulder became jagged. I found myself sitting in a tub and not recognizing the body I was in. I hadn’t been this small since I was twelve.
It’s a process of acceptance. I was happy in my body when I was heavier, why shouldn’t I accept the body I am in now?
I understand it’s difficult for people to accept their bodies. As people living in a digital age (and I’m sure even before) we are constantly bombarder with how are bodies are “supposed to look. The truth is, as long as you are healthy, there is no certain way your body is supposed to look like. But let’s be honest here, this isn’t going to stop the people around you from trying to input on how you look.
Take me for example. I have people in my life telling me – “you need to gain more weight, you’re scary looking,” “god, you’re so thin now! you look great!” “I mean sure you could add a couple more kilos – but no more than that.” “what happened to you?” “don’t worry you’ll put the weight back on very easily” “don’t get too fat though” “I wish I was you!”
So what am I supposed to take from everyone around me? I was fat before? I’m skeletal now? I started to realize it didn’t matter. If I feel good in my body, if I eat healthy, and have enough energy to do my activities, and even exercise, what’s wrong with how I look? Nothing. Right now my mental state – my mental health is much more important than how I look. So instead of worrying about other people’s expectations for what my body is “supposed” to look like for my age I’m going to learn to accept it as is. I need to stop basing how comfortable I feel in my own skin based on how comfortable other’s feel in it, after all, it’s my body.